I always find my work with people so fascinating because, though there are so many commonalities, there are also a variety of specifics that each person or each couple brings in.
Recently, I realized that there’s something that needs to be spelled out regarding how people in a relationship interact with each other. More and more, it’s apparent that specific information is not readily known. And when these details can be enumerated for a struggling couple, it will make their partnership much easier.
Since I was able to do this fine tuning with one couple just a few days ago, I wanted to share this knowledge with you. It turns out that assistance was needed on both the male and female side. Therefore, I’m going to present the situation in two blogs. In today’s posting, I’ll address what I think will be helpful for the women to know. Next week, you can look forward to the insights for the male side.
Let me first share with you the details of the situation. We were discussing something and the woman was upset that her husband didn’t “get” it. It seemed to me that, in fact, he did understand the point she was making. Yet, she wasn’t satisfied.
When I questioned, “Why?” she responded that, before they came in, he didn’t have the same response. She went on to say that it was her belief that her spouse was merely trying to look good in front of me. I addressed her husband, and again, I felt that he did understand her point.
So, what could cause this discrepancy? What I have learned is that people process information at different speeds or in different ways. Sometimes, what some people “get” immediately, takes others a while to integrate and process.
I happen to be a fast processor. Yet, at times, I’ll need to run things past several people for their input before I can truly come to terms with it. Or, I’ve now come to realize that I can present something to my husband and it will take him a day or so before he’s had time to work on it and digest it before reflecting back on it to me.
Let’s go back to my clients. She felt that her mate was not being truthful because he initially had one response to her and then presented another response in front of me. Do people sometimes try to make themselves look good? Sure. But, I suggest that just like in this case, it may also be a matter of having time to think about a situation.
Ladies: the truth is that most men do process differently than we do. That’s now a known fact. Women employ both hemispheres at the same time to process information; men use their left and right brains sequentially. So before you feel hurt and as if your man is not being upfront with you, consider the real possibility that he’s just different than you and is taking in information differently than you!