My Personal Insights:
Since it's only a little while after Pres. Obama has
taken office, I'm still very caught up in the afterglow.
Even if you didn't vote for him, you must admit the
historical significance of this election is quite exciting!
Even as I traveled abroad (I'll tell you more about that
next month), people were talking about it! Of course, I
also focused on the relationship between the
President and First Lady as they offer a lot to learn.
Given that we're also about to enter the month of
romance, what better time to take some important
pointers from them?
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A Good Role Model
If you haven't been watching the First Couple carefully,
let me point some things out. Though, of course, you
never know what goes on behind closed doors, I think
it's fairly safe to say from observing them, that they
really enjoy one another. Right from the start, it's clear
how much public display of affection there is -- they
touch, they hand-hold, they kiss. A couple of times, I
noticed her look deeply into his eyes as she made a
hand gesture of "thumbs up."
While he took his oath, Michelle, never took her eyes
off her husband -- not once. At the inaugural ball, he
announced his "princess" and remarked about how
beautiful she was. Then, as they danced, they gazed
into one another's eyes.
During the inaugural day, it is reported that the couple
had lunch with volunteers. After the President made
his remarks, he asked his wife if she had anything to
add. Quite a statement about respect! She certainly
knows what's important, too, because in an article for
Ebony, she says that though she appreciates
flowers, she finds his carving out time for her much
more romantic. And -- they've been married 16 years!
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Choice Tips:
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- If you want your relationship to work, you need to
make it a priority. Sometimes, there will be stressful
things that arise. But if you always put your
relationship on a back burner, there will be no
relationship to come back to.
- Respect is the #1 factor to a relationship. Without
a good foundation of respecting one another, there is
nothing to build on.
- Show affection to each other. Hand-holding is
especially important as it has been shown to also
have physiological benefits and help relieve
stress.
- Having a secret language or code between the two
of you makes your partnership very personal and
intimate.
- Be appreciative of one another, compliment each
other, do lots of small things to let your partner know
that he or she matters.
- It's okay to argue -- conflicts are bound to happen.
But there's a right and wrong way to go about it.
- Remember to use humor with each other and try
to let things go -- not everything is a big deal.
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Additional Resources I Recommend:
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Here are some pictures that show the first couple
displaying public displays of affection:
Click
here for Pictures!
Gottman, J. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And
How You Can Make Yours Last. Simon & Schuster
1995.
Though I don't often include something like this, I think
this is important and will be very useful to you. It's a
quiz developed by Gottman and adapted by Mary Ellen
Connett. It's to be taken by you and your spouse.
Answer "yes" or "no" to each statement based on
whether you mostly agree or disagree.
1. My spouse seeks out my opinions.
2. My
spouse cares about my feelings.
3. We are
affectionate toward one another.
4. We listen to
each other.
5. What I say counts.
6. I love
spending time with my partner.
7. We are very
good friends.
8. My spouse finds me physically
attractive.
9. I feel included in my partner's
life.
10. We touch each other a lot.
11. We
respect each other's ideas.
12. Even during tough
times we can be empathetic.
Scoring: If you checked "yes" to fewer than 4 items,
then you may not feel enough love and respect in your
marriage and you may want to seek a check up.
Professionals point out that the average couple waits
six years before seeking help for marital problems; so
they often live with unhappiness for far too long.
Connett says marital relationships can definitely
improve. She likens it to an illness; if the problems are
ignored, they will get worse. If both partners are
committed, they can work towards changing their
relationship for the better. (I agree!)
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Empowering Tools and Information:
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You can have a relationship that feels new and alive,
even after many years. You can create the same
feelings you had during the "honeymoon phase" when
you were dating.
To help you bring these feelings back, check out my
book,
Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last.
Do you find that you get caught up in arguments that
either get you nowhere or turn ugly? It doesn't have to
be that way! I offer a FREE teleseminar to teach you
the skills on how to handle your conflicts.
To
listen to it,
click here!
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