Relationships: The Essence of Who We Are

Clearly, relationships are important. As humans, we are social beings and, therefore, our interactions with others are vital. It starts right from birth and carries through to friendships, colleagues, and romantic interests. Naturally, there is also the relationship you have with yourself.

Your sense of self originates from your early attachment to your family and will be fostered as well as determine your later relationships. All very complicated - or is it? Basically, a good relationship is based on love and letting the other know that he or she matters.

1. Regarding the success rate of marriage, cohabitation prior is fine as long as the decision to marry was, in fact, a decision. In other words, research has found that a couple shouldn't live together for convenience (e.g. finances) and then marry since they've been living together anyway. This phenomenon is called "decide vs. slide."
2. Money issues are really about trust. And, your habits about how you spend it have been learned from messages in your background. Some ways to deal with this issue is to discuss what your shared goals are for saving, make a budget, decide how much you'll save in common, and decide how much you want to give away.
3. Sex addiction can start accidentally because of incorrect URLs. Part of the reason it's so addictive is because it's accessible, affordable and anonymous. Like any other addiction it's unmanageable, creates tolerance, degenerative and progressive. Similarly to other addictions, it raises one's adrenalin level.
4. Never talk about sex in bed, while you're naked, or after a bad experience.
5. There are a number of relationships that have the potential for unintentionally becoming an affair. (There is a growing number now occurring because of Face book "reunions.") Generally, there's a trigger for it happening wherein there was sustained stress for 2 years prior to the breach. However, if an affair occurs, a couple can heal and go on to have a strong marriage.
6. Forgiveness is a choice you make to no longer seek vengeance, retribution and negative thoughts to your offender. It doesn't mean you forget the incident, condone it, necessarily reconcile, give up boundaries, continue allowing the other to hurt you, or restore trust in the relationship.
7. When your partner is sharing something with you, it is far more receptive to ask: "Is there more?" rather than: "Are you done?" (Think about this one in your mind's eye -- you'll see how different it feels!)
8. When you've made a mistake, own up to it. Saying, "I'm sorry you got upset," is like telling the person (s)he's crazy." (A simple statement like, "My bad," can make all the difference in the world!)
9. If you want a flourishing life, pursue meaningful goals and do so with the people you love and respect.

Since I've covered lots of topics this month, I'm offering varied resources too:

For those of you who missed it the first time, my interview with Judith West on "Getting Your Money's Worth" was recently aired again on Cable TV. If you'd like to watch the clip, here's the link: