Increasing the Odds of Choosing the Right Mate

Sadly, many find themselves alone due to divorce or widowhood. Most would prefer to be part of a couple. It’s often hard to meet someone new, and even more difficult to know whether the person you get involved with will be the right person.

Though no one’s perfect, there are certain signs that can help you make a more sound decision. Though relationships are emotionally driven, preventive clear thinking will help promote better odds.

1. Do the two of you share the same beliefs? Even if you’re at a later stage in life, your values will determine how your lives and time are shared. Though you don’t have to agree on everything, the more there’s alignment in your core beliefs, the easier life will be.

2. How does this person handle disagreements? Couples have conflicts. What’s important is how disputes get managed. Is the person respectful vs. shutting down or not addressing the issue? A good relationship entails each partner feeling heard and being reciprocal in meeting each other’s needs.

3. How does he or she act with others? You can tell a great deal by the behavior with others. Is he or she respectful rather than showing an air of arrogance or condemnation? Even more meaningful is the manner in which significant people like a parent or sibling are treated; they serve as good indicators of how he or she deals with those that close to him or her.

4. What’s the manner in which you’re treated in front of others? It’s important that even when others are around, you don’t take a back seat but are seen as someone who’s important.

5. What’s your private time like? Though publicly, the person may function one way, is there consistency when the two of you are alone? Though you don’t have to spend every waking moment together, you want to feel valued rather than an intrusion.

6. Do you get a sense that what you think and feel matters? Though agreement isn’t necessary, you feel that your opinions, viewpoints, and feelings are respected?

7. Does the person act responsibly? Is he or she able to manage money matters in a reasonable way? Does he or she remember significant events and respond to them in a thoughtful way? Does he or she follow through on what what’s been told to you?

I’m a true believer that everything you want to know about someone is evident initially, if you really pay attention and don’t merely respond on emotions. If you need some objectivity, ask trusted friends; their emotions are not getting in the way like yours are. If the overall picture looks good, take the plunge … they say love is lovelier the second time around!