In life, no doubt there are times you’ll experience challenges. Sometimes, these are merely bumps in the road. At other times, there’s the need for greater emotional support. For many individuals, having a mate that you are close to or a good social network will allow you to work through these concerns.
However, there are some issues where you might realize that the problem being faced is one that requires more serious assistance. When you’re the person who’s having difficulty, though you are feeling troubled, it’s easy — you can make the choice to go get help.
But what happens when the person having the problem isn’t you, but someone you’re close to? You’re likely to experience several different reactions. Initially, you want to help. And so, you offer care and concern.
When you do, be aware that the efforts you make ought to be in the style that’s consistent with the person’s needs. We each have a different way of offering and receiving love according to Dr. Gary Chapman. If you offer “love” in a way that’s not consistent to how the person receives it, then it’s like speaking a different language. Therefore, it won’t resonate with the individual. In concrete terms, if the person you’re giving to needs verbal reassurance and you bring over cooked meals, you’re basically wasting your time.
If, as I said above, the problem continues, you may find that you want to suggest that the person go for some professional help. Now, the situation may get “sticky.” Many people still have a stigma against therapy or are uncomfortable with the idea of going for help. This may be particularly stressful or frustrating for you. It’s likely that if someone is experiencing emotional upset, it will come out in some way that is unpleasant; perhaps attacking or shutting down. And it’s also likely that if you’re the closest person to this individual, you’ll be the target of this behavior.
So, how do you get someone you care about deeply who’s in need of help to go for it? The reality is that unless the person is willing to do so, you can’t make him or her go. Something like you can drag a horse to water … Even if you got the person to therapy, if there isn’t a readiness, it won’t work anyway.
Here’s what you can do:
1. Though you can tell your partner that it’s unacceptable to you when you feel you’re serving as their target, also let him or her know you’re concerned and often feel inept in offering what might be the best help.
2. Ask if your mate is willing to discuss what apprehensions there are about seeking help and then discuss them.
3. Be willing to do some initial research as to which professionals are available.
4. Allow the person to have space to make his or her own decision rather than constant questioning as to if they are going to pursue therapy.
5. Be willing to accept the notion that not everyone pursues therapy as a course of action in dealing with their problems.
There are other instances when the ones needing the help are a couple you care about or even your own relationship. In a previous video I’ve offered tips on how to get help in that situation. Don’t forget to check out my new site, www.MakeYourMarriageWorkNow.com, which allows you to get comprehensive information without spending lots of money in the comfort of your home.
Going back to helping an individual, it’s hard to see a loved one suffering, whether it’s physical or emotional. And feeling helpless in providing relief to that person is very difficult. However, be assured that your presence and sense of support is meaningful and coming through.