February is considered the love month by many since Valentine’s Day is this month. Though you may be in a relationship, as a relationship expert, I also know there’s a real good chance you feel disconnected and lonely. The feelings just aren’t what they should be. You probably wonder, “Why you feel this way” and, more importantly, “Is there anything you can do about it?”
First, I want to share a dirty little secret with you: you’re not alone. Unfortunately, many folks in a partnership don’t feel the feelings they did in the beginning of relationship. At the beginning of anything new, we put lots of time, energy and effort into it. What that looks like when it comes to another person is paying attention, listening carefully, offering compliments … do you remember? All of these gestures send the message to the other person, “You matter to me.”
Then, as we settle in and make commitments to each other, we start to take the relationship for granted. We let other things get in the way or become a priority. As this happens, those good feelings decrease and a slow disconnection increases. The consequence is that you’re in a relationship, but you’re feeling alone.
So, since this is the love month, let’s talk about how to make a change!
1. Attitude counts. Know that change can happen. If you have a positive attitude and believe that things can get better, it will set you on the right course.
2. Be the initiator. Based on Action/Reaction ((tm)), start the ball rolling. Once you start to do positive things, your mate will likely follow in kind.
3. Old tricks. Do the things you used to do when you first started out. After all, those were the gestures that made each of you feel like you mattered to the other.
4. Feelings follow behavior. Even if you’re not experiencing positive feelings now, do positive behaviors anyway. Research shows that feelings will follow behavior.
5. Do a check-in. See if your mate is feeling similarly to you. Just by checking-in with each other, it will help to clear the air and start an open discussion of ways to reconnect.
If you’re still having difficulty, do consider getting some outside help. Remember, that the longer you wait, the more difficult the problem gets. If you feel like you don’t have the time, energy, or money to go for professional help, come on over to my new membership site, www.MakeYourMarriageWorkNow.com, for committed couples to get comprehensive information as well as access to me. Check it out now!