Dancing with Your Mate

Since relationships are so important, there are constantly studies being done to find out the qualities or tools that will help to enhance one’s partnership. One of these pieces of information is the importance of novelty. Often, it’s been suggested that to add spice to your relationship, you need to mix it up a bit; thus, do some things that are different.

Even newer research is indicating that what seems to help a couple having a long-term commitment is one that offers change in their relationship. This makes sense. After all, when you’re with the same person for hopefully the long haul, things do get a bit monotonous.

There’s also been quite a bit written about affairs. The truth is that affairs occur for a variety of reasons. I would imagine that one explanation, or at least an element for some, is a sense of boredom. When you’re with someone new, it sets off all sorts of neurochemical reactions in your brain.

It’s been found that the chemicals released when one is “in lust” create feelings similar to those one gets when they’re on a drug. No wonder it feels so good!

But — there’s also something very different about the affair situation — it’s not real. Oh yes … the feelings you’re experiencing might feel very real, but the situation isn’t. You’re not living with one another each day, every day, with the task of getting through the mundane chores of a partnership and/or family. In the latter, there are bills to be paid, dirty clothes to be dealt with, and crazy schedules to keep. The list can go on and on.

When you’re emotionally involved with someone new, you’re blinded by your emotions just as you were in the “Honeymoon phase” of your present relationship. The only difference is that the new relationship offers uniqueness. It’s quite the contrast to the “same old, same old” sentiments that you experience at home.

No doubt, through the years, you’ve also gotten into a great deal of entanglement with your present mate. Many times, you might question what you ever saw in this person, and it doesn’t seem like there’s any way to resolve this mess. It all can easily lead to thinking, “It’s just best to start over.”

However, just because you switch partners doesn’t mean you’re going to dance differently. You are still you, and it will only be a matter of time until the glow of love and fantasy will wane as the day-to-day mundane aspects start to arise.

Many times, I’ve spoken with clients who are really down in the dumps and feel that their lives are a mess. Suddenly, they come up with the idea that they’ll move to a whole new location to start over. There’s just one problem — they are still with themselves!

The same goes for you in a partnership. As unromantic as it sounds, good relationships take work. So, before you throw in the towel and try to start again, realize that unless you have learned new ways of functioning in your partnership, the same concerns will be there with a new “dance” partner. For most of you, there has been a shared history with your present mate. Often, there are children involved. Know that though you might not be experiencing positive feelings at this moment, they can be revived.

You owe it to yourself to give it a try!